- It’s not hard to fathom why so many men tend to assume they are great and that what they have to say is more legitimate. It starts in childhood and never ends. Parents interrupt girls twice as often and hold them to stricter politeness norms. Teachers engage boys, who correctly see disruptive speech as a marker of dominant masculinity, more often and more dynamically than girls.
- For example, male doctors invariably interrupt patients when they speak, especially female patients but patients rarely interrupt doctors in return. Unless the doctor is a woman. When that is the case, she interrupts far less and is herself interrupted more.
- This is also true of senior managers in the workplace. Male bosses are not frequently talked over or stopped by those working for them, especially if they are women; however, female bosses are routinely interrupted by their male subordinates.
- As adults, women’s speech is granted less authority. We aren’t thought of as able critics or as funny.
- Men speak more, more often, and longer than women in mixed groups (classrooms, boardrooms, legislative bodies, expert media commentary and, for obvious reasons religious institutions.)
- Indeed, in male-dominated problem solving groups including boards, committees, and legislatures, men speak 75% more than women, with negative effects on decisions reached. That’s why, as researchers summed up, “Having a seat at the table is not the same as having a voice.”
- Even in movies and television, male actors engage in more disruptive speech and garner twice as much speaking and screen time as their female peers.
- Listserve topics introduced by men have a much higher rate of response.
- On Twitter, people retweet men two times as often as women.
The best part though is that we are socialized to think women talk more. Listener bias results in most people thinking that women are hogging the floor when men are actually dominating. Linguists have concluded that much of what is popularly understood about women and men being from different planets, verbally, confuses “women’s language” with “powerless language.”
This preference for what men have to say, supported by men and women both, is a variant on “mansplaining.” The word came out of an article by writer Rebecca Solnit, who explained that the tendency some men have to grant their own speech greater import than a perfectly competent woman’s is not a universal male trait, but the “intersection between overconfidence and cluelessness where some portion of that gender gets stuck.” Solnit’s tipping point experience really did take the cake. She was talking to a man at a cocktail party when he asked her what she did. She replied that she wrote books, and she described her most recent one, River of Shadows: Eadweard Muybridge and the Technological Wild West.The man interrupted her soon after she said the word Muybridge and asked, “And have you heard about the very important Muybridge book that came out this year?” He then waxed on, based on his reading of a review of the book, not even the book itself, until finally a friend said, “That’s her book.” He ignored that friend (also a woman) and she had to say it more than three times before “he went ashen” and walked away. If you are not a woman, ask any woman you know what this is like, because it is not fun and happens to all of us.
Last week as I sat in a cafe, a man in his 60′s stopped to ask me what I was writing. I told him, a book about gender and media and he said, “I went to a conference where someone talked about that a few years ago. I read a paper about it a few years ago. Did you know that car manufacturers use slightly denigrating images of women to sell cars? I’d be happy to help you.” After I suggested, smiling cheerily, that the images were beyond denigrating and definitively injurious to women’s dignity, free speech, and parity in culture he drifted off
In the wake of Larry Summers’ “women can’t do math” controversy several years ago, scientist Ben Barres wrote publicly about his experiences, first as a woman and later in life, as a male. As a female student at MIT, Barbara Barres was told by a professor after solving a particularly difficult math problem, “Your boyfriend must have solved it for you.” When several years after, as Ben Barres, he gave a well-received scientific speech, he overhead a member of the audience say, “His work is much better than his sister’s.” Most notably, he concluded that one of the major benefits of being male was that he could now “even complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man.”
“Stop interrupting me.”
“I just said that.”
“No explanation needed.”
Why am I not sleeping tonight? Because we have no hot water. Why is that keeping me awake? Because it’s making me angry that my complex seems to be going to sh!t lately. Every time I walk outside there is. new issue being complained about by my neighbors. Or an old issue that still hasn’t been resolved.
I’m moving in 3 days. Why do I care right now that this complex sucks? I’m out of here. It’s not my problem anymore. Why can’t I let go?
teachinginthemiddle said: I assume you avoid teachers' lounge gossip.
Also the teachers’ lounge.
I was warned by several of my teacher professors of this pitfall.
Stay. Out. Of. The. Lounge.
My school doesn’t have a centralized lounge, per say. But I have a hidey hole where I’ve eaten lunch with 3 buddies, and I love it.
I think the decision of lounge vs. no lounge depends heavily on the individual school and the teachers within it. There is no better way to get a feel for the overall personality of a school than to go to the teacher’s lounge.
Of course if the majority of teachers in your school or in the lounge are toxic, negative presences, you’ll want to avoid it, but laying that out as a flat general rule makes me sad. I always tell incoming teachers to at least give it a try; it’s more or less the only time in your day you are surrounded by adults and no students, and it can be a place to vent and collaborate with teachers about certain students and how they handle them. As a teacher new to the school, you meet colleagues you wouldn’t really have the chance to otherwise, and getting to know them makes your overall school environment more positive.
I eat in my room 97.5% of the time for all kinds of reasons:
- I probably have something to prep, copy, pull out of my hat
- Some kid on a different schedule shows up with a test or to get help
- I need 25 minutes to not talk to people, or to talk to people who do not call me Ms. P
- 25 minutes to rush down the hall, eat, and rush back in the middle of a class is not relaxing
- Mostly, though, I’ve probably got something to do or think through
- But also: teachers are cliquey as hell
This is a rant, feel free to not read it. We’re trying to move this weekend. I say trying because NO ONE will come help us. I got a moving quote this morning. Two men and a Truck would cot $1000 to move us. We don’t have $1000.
How do you make friends? I’m serious. I have 2, I think, not counting my husband.